It’s tight at the bottom this season, we’re in danger of suffocating as the teams pile up on one another in a conglomerate shit heap. The 2 nil win over Birmingham has put a rosier spin on our predicament and victory over Hull this weekend could be a stiff elbow to the face of the competition that lets us scramble free.
Was David Sullivan’s Derren Brown esque psychological manipulation responsible for motivating Diamanti to curl in that beautiful free kick last week? Debatable but he’s already tried utilising his black magic again to convince Kieron Dyer that actually he should of his own free will give up that lucrative contract. “Look into my eyes Kieron, you will feel a hot burning sensation running up your fingers everytime you spend your wages. Soon the pain will grow to be unbearable.” It’s called guilt.
Portsmouth are so heavily weighed down to the foot of the table their best hope for survival now is tipping the whole league table upside down and securing the championship on the last day of the season in a dramatic U turn Sky are dubbing Ford Surreal Sunday. This might not be such a far strectched future echo given Manchester United’s green and yellow tinted debt.
Pompey are now awaiting permission from the FA, Premier League and FIFA to sell players outside the transfer window. Avram Grant has been forced to use his connections in the game to replace the club’s medical staff with a young masseuse called Electra as she offered to do the extras at a discount.
West Ham must hope Portsmouth’s closing down sale can keep the club afloat until the end of the season as it could theoretically lead to a 4 point deduction for us. Between 19th and 13th place any one of Burnley, Bolton, Hull, Wolves, Wigan and Sunderland are facing up to the possibility of relegation along side West Ham.
Burnley, despite their 2-1 win over us, have shot down the table faster than John Terry got on the phone to comfort Cheryl Cole after burglars tried to relieve her of the burden of her wedding ring early Friday morning.
Their ex guv’nor Owen Coyle has his own problems at Bolton, watching the 0-0 draw with Wigan this week it seems trying to install the free flowing passing ethic into super lumps like Kevin Davies is like getting blood from stone.
Sunderland’s good form at the start of the season has melted away, since the start of this year they’ve played 5 in the league, losing 2 and drawing 3. Darren Bent’s goals and bent nose’s experience combined with the greater ineptness of the teams around them should keep the black cats in the Premier League.
I’ve insisted all season I couldn’t see the hammers being relegated. Although Zola has and still does make tactical errors it was the lack of strikers that were forcing our hand over Christmas to go out looking for a draw. There is enough in this squad now to win the next 3 importaint home games. I don’t think either Mido or Ilan will be here after this season but they can do the job that’s required of them now. If not Sullivan will slag them off whilst spinning his time piece ’til they do!
